Those of you that follow me (all eleven of you I think) know for the most part my posts generally convey a positive message of some type. Well, this post is NOT going to be one of them. Everybody needs to blow some stream every once in a while and this is my “every once in a while”.
Why here you ask? The main reason is because my wife doesn’t like to hear me bitch. Understandably so, but considering she is one of my eleven followers, she’s going to hear about it anyway; just indirectly. Although she might just get the notification and immediately delete it like the others that have come before this…I don’t know. The second reason is because I’m certain I’m not the only one that is infuriated, distraught, upset, irritated, or plain ole pissed off by what I’m about to list – well maybe some of the things I swear it’s just me, but the others I’m positive my readers and the WordPress community for that matter, can relate to.
So here we go – 10 of my all-time greatest peeves (in no particular order). If I offend you with any items listed below,
I’m sorry deal with it.
1. Turn signals or the lack thereof – Nothing pisses me off more (except the other items listed in this post) than people not using their turn signals. Not only is it dangerous to turn without properly signalling to the drivers around you, it’s incredibly lazy not to use your turn signal! Automobile manufacturers have conveniently placed that little lever VERY close to the steering wheel and it takes 0.2 seconds to engage it. And if you happen to run out of turn signal fluid, Autozone generally has it on sale for $1.99 a gallon. Go get some!
2. Facebook – It’s hilarious to me that people get so caught up with their Facebook status, their “friends” (a.k.a. people they’ve never met before but feel good about themselves because they have 500+ “friends”), and the friends that have “defriended” them, that they forget about this little thing call “life” and “real friends”. Raise your hand if you have more “Facebook” friends than “real” friends…now put them down and consider yourself a loser.
3. New career field – When applying for a job in a new field, companies always require “x” amount of experience, even for entry-level positions. Hello? How the !@#$ am I supposed to get experience if nobody will hire me because I don’t have experience! I don’t get it.
4. Fantasy games on ESPN.com – My wife can attest to this and mark my words – Fantasy games on ESPN.com will be the death of me, likely due to stress-induced heart failure. Fantasy games on ESPN.com are a love/hate relationship. I love them, but they hate me! If I “start” a player on a given day, he’ll take a shit on the field (figuratively). If I sit a particular player on my roster, he’ll blow the !@#$ up for 400 yards and 4 TD’s, all of which will NOT count towards my score because I didn’t “start” him. If I pass up a game after second-guessing myself and pick another game instead, I’ll lose the game I picked and would have won the gut-feeling game had a stuck with it. Fantasy games on ESPN.com are more addicting than cigarettes. I’ve been looking into a support group…
5. Losing pens – For whatever reason I’ve had an unusual obsession with pens for as long as I can remember. I am very particular about the pens I buy and use and double dog dare my children to even look at my pens when they are looking for something to color with! When my favorite pen comes up missing, my brain short-circuits and I turn into some kind of manic psycho. So either give me my pen back or face certain death!
6. Road rage – Don’t get mad at me for flipping you the bird after you’ve cut me off! I was driving down the road the other day and a truck pulled out into my lane. As a result, I swiftly maneuvered to the other lane (two lane highway) narrowly missing him by a few feet. For his lack of driving skills and even worse decision-making, I flipped him the bird. So what does he do? Rides up on my ass like he wanted to molest my tailpipe and engaged his brights. After riding my ass for a while, he switches lanes and leaves me in the dust! Really guy? You cut me off! Idiot.
7. Fine print after advertisements – “Come in now and get your brand new 2012 Dodge Viper for $1,000*!”
*$5,000 to enter our property, $2,000 for using the restroom, $500 for a cup of coffee, $10,000 to test drive it, $20,000 for plates & taxes, and $44,500 for being an idiot and actually thinking you could buy a 2012 Dodge Viper for $1,000. Total Cost = $82,000.
8. Long Receipts – Go to Kmart, Wal-Mart, or just about anywhere really and buy one item, then measure the receipt and tell me how long it is. A couple of weeks ago I went to Autozone and purchased a 5 gallon jug of oil and an oil filter. The receipt was 16 inches long. I’m not joking! Is that really necessary? Obviously these stores haven’t picked up on the “green” concept. You’re killing trees and pissing me off unnecessarily! Cut it out!
9. Sports commentators – Sports commentators don’t peeve me in general, it’s the ones that bandwagon or curse a player after every play. I was watching Monday Night Football last week and Ron “Jaws” Jaworski commented about how good Philip Rivers (quarterback of the San Diego Chargers) was after making a great play. A couple plays later, Rivers made a less than stellar play and Jaws commented on how Rivers is losing his edge and all these things he needs to improve on. Which one is it Jaws?
10. Shit that breaks right AFTER the warranty/contract ends – Very popular amongst cellular phones but also applicable to household appliances and electronics, I swear manufacturers of these devices program the cell phone, refrigerator, big screen TV, and washer with a “self-destruct” code shortly, but not too noticeably, after the manufacturer’s warranty or contract expires.
For instance, in order to get the “discounted” price on cell phones, one must enter a contractual obligation with said provider, usually one or two years. Instead of paying $18,000 for a cell phone, you can sign a contract and get it at the unbelievably discounted price of just $400. After serving your two-year sentence you are relieved that you are no longer obligated to this provider by contract, allowing you to cancel said service and conduct another account maintenance without being charged an additional $750 cancellation fee or what have you. That is until two weeks later your cell phone starts crapping out. Now what do you do? In order to get the discounted rate on your next cell phone, you must enter ANOTHER contract. Yes, the cycle is vicious.
The same can be said about manufacturer’s warranties for household electronics. Shortly after the warranty ends, as sure as the sun will rise, your washing machine will take a shit. “Damn it! If we had only purchased the extended warranty for an additional $1,000 the 80-year old cashier offered us when we bought it…!”. No, you see what happens when you buy that extended warranty, the manufacturer is notified and quickly alters the programming code within the machine effectively removing the “self-destruct” instruction. As a result, you’ll never need to use the extended warranty and the manufacturer essentially just stole that $1,000 from you.
In my own words, “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t”.